There’s a popular song playing on the radio today and it has been playing on the local Christian radio stations for about eight months. I didn’t look that up. I just know because it’s specific to something else that lasts about eight months.
The song is by Hillary Scott & the Scott Family. It is called “Thy Will,” and it discusses a common Christian theme — that through it all — all struggles and doubts — God asks us to trust His perfect will. We know that Jesus meant for us to do that, because in the prayer that he gave us in Matthew 6: 9–10 to use to model our own prayers — The Lord’s Prayer.
“Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”
This verse is the first time in the Bible we see the actual words, “Thy will be done.”
When we say it, we are telling God to do as He pleases. Won’t God do that anyway? Sure, He is God, but it shows an act of faith and trust on our part that He truly appreciates. It’s like when my husband has to make a decision for our family. The kids and I don’t have to like his decision. Even though he is supposed to be the head of the family, I could argue with him and hold the decision against him, even become bitter if I want. OR, I can say, “If you believe that is the best thing for our family, then do it. I trust you.” The latter reaction allows our relationship to grow in love and trust. The former will simply cause more issues.
If I tell God, “If this is the best thing for me, according to Your will, I trust you,” instead of arguing with him, or becoming bitter about His will in my life, it will help our relationship grow. It will help me to trust Him more in the future. Depending on Him instead of trying to always do everything myself is much more beneficial for my life, and my relationship with my heavenly Father.
So…a little while ago, I found out I was expecting a baby. I had an intrauterine device (IUD) that was supposed to prevent that from happening, but it had moved without my knowledge — a method of birth control that is 99.9 percent effective. The doctors couldn’t tell it had moved, either, until they viewed it on my first ultrasound. The ultrasound technician told me that it looked like the “pregnancy” (AKA the tiny sac in which the fetus would grow) pushed the IUD out of the way.
I knew the risks of an IUD pregnancy. Even if the IUD is removed, the mother is still at a 25% higher risk for a miscarriage. The risk is lower if the IUD is removed. The doctors tried to remove mine and failed — twice. Just the act of trying to remove it could have caused a miscarriage. IUDs during pregnancy cause a higher risk of pre-term labor, second-trimester miscarriages, infections, ectopic pregnancy, and the list goes on.
It was scary. Obviously, I wasn’t ready to have another baby, because I still had the birth control, but when I found out I was pregnant, all I wanted was for that baby to be safe. I love babies. I already have two biological babies, and two babies that I consider my own that are not biologically mine, but are mine in every other way. I didn’t ask for this baby, but as soon as I knew of its existence, I wanted it. I wanted it to be healthy. I didn’t want to go through losing a baby. I know how painful it must be. I’ve seen it happen to other people, and I just wasn’t sure I could handle that kind of pain. And then there this baby was — alive — a little soul that would possibly never see the light of day.
I prayed for God to keep the baby safe — to make him healthy despite all the possible complications.
Within two weeks of finding out about my new little person, I first heard “Thy Will” on the radio. I misheard the words the first couple of times. My daughter and I spent a lot of time with the radio turned up too loud to try to understand what Hillary Scott was saying. We knew there was no way she was singing, “I will be dead,” but that is what it sounded like to us. I know, I know…But then when I realized what she was actually saying, it was exactly what I needed to hear. I felt like the second verse spoke directly to me.
I know You’re good,
But this don’t feel good right now,
And I know You think
Of things I could never think about.
It’s hard to count it all joy.
Distracted by the noise.
Just trying to make sense
Of all your promises.
Sometimes I gotta stop,
Remember that you’re God,
And I am not,
Thy will be done
Whatever happened with this baby, it was in God’s perfect plan for my family and for me. And whatever happened, I was determined not to blame Him for it. I cried when I felt the weight lifted off my shoulders, but of course I still prayed the baby would live. I still prayed God would protect it from whatever chemical or physical damage the IUD could cause it.
I was desperate to find a name for both a girl and a boy so that my baby wouldn’t return to heaven without a name. My husband told me it didn’t matter — the baby would be fine. We had a whole 8 months to figure it out. I wasn’t so sure. If the baby was a girl, her name would be Adelaide Elizabeth. We went back and forth on about twenty different boys’ names.
That was about eight months ago. Now, I’m 37 weeks pregnant. I will have a repeat C-section on June 2 and will finally meet my fourth boy. His name is Joseph Arrow, because…
“Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!” Psalm 127:3–5
Joseph is just another precious little arrow to add to our quiver, which, with him, makes five arrows — the number of arrows most modern bow hunters prefer to have in their quiver.
The IUD is still there, but it can no longer harm him. He’s too much bigger than it is now for it to hurt him. It can’t cause pre-term labor, because I am considered full-term, and the doctors will remove it when they do the surgery.
I heard the song, “Thy Will,” on the radio again a couple days ago. I am a little nervous about the surgery since a doctor I am not very familiar with will be performing it. But God saw me through the beginning and He will see me through the end, and I will trust Him and His perfect will. I cried this time again when I heard this song, because I remembered how hard it was to get through that first trimester, wondering what was going to happen, but this time, I wasn’t crying because of fear and uncertainty. I was crying because I realized He knew what He was doing all along — because of relief and happiness, and certainty.
Joseph has come a long way since eight months ago. If he was born today, he could do everything a 40 week baby could do. He moves all over the place, and like two of his big brothers, will probably weigh over 9 pounds, and be at least 21 inches long if everything goes as scheduled. His life is not in danger, and the C-section is expected to be a success.
I have come a long way since eight months ago. I have been more accepting of God’s will in my life and learned to trust him more. I am also much rounder and more tired, and very excited to welcome another little boy into my family. I thank God for protecting Joseph and me, and for opening my eyes, once again, to show me that He is in control.
God, whatever is the best thing for me and my family, according to Your perfect will, I will trust you. It doesn’t matter if I don’t understand. It doesn’t matter if I disagree. Help me to remember to say, “Thy will be done.”
Joseph Arrow was born as scheduled on June 2, 2017 at 10:10 AM. He was 9 lbs, 13.5 ounces, 21.5 inches long. He is my HEALTHIEST baby! My others had jaundice and/or too much weight loss in the first few days, but besides a little low blood sugar while in the hospital, Joseph has passed every test, and was described as “perfect” by his pediatrician despite all the risks. I thank God every day for keeping this little boy safe and healthy, just like I prayed he would. This is a picture of just one of God’s gifts to me in my life — Joseph at about four weeks.